Noah Averts Political Strife

Nestled in the inner city of south Chicago, the Hyde Park neighborhood is a bastion of liberalism.  The neighborhood was not only home to the ultra-liberal University of Chicago, but is also home to current president Barack Obama (note to self: edit article in one to five years), whose former office was now a bike shop around the corner. 

Unsurprisingly, prior to the 2008 presidential election, the favored candidate for the area (as well as the state) was completely decided.  Like any area that leaned heavily to the left or right, propaganda often ran unchecked, and soon reached ridiculous proportions, at least to someone who was particularly moderate.  Or reasonably sane. 

One of the most outrageous claims was the “Impeach Bush” movement, ostensibly over accusations that he’d lied about our reasons for invading Iraq.  While I doubt anyone in the Bush administration was on tenterhooks over the notion, the school of thought had spread across the neighborhood like an infectious disease. 

In my awesome opinion, political bloviation is the greatest waste of time and effort in the modern age, one step removed from trailer trash baby mommas yelling at each other on Jerry Springer.  That said, when you see someone living in fantasy land, you just can’t resist calling them out.  For several months, I’d been walking past a battered Jetta covered with stickers proclaiming “Clinton/Gore in ’92” and “Republicans for Voldemort.”

Three weeks before the election, the Jetta’s owner added to his or her arsenal by stuffing a cardboard placard in his back window that read “Impeach Bush.” And I called shenanigans.  The next day, I left the following note under his windshield wiper:

Dear motorist,

Hey dude, we get it: You’re a man of the people, an idealist who doesn’t buy into the political-industrial complex, stands up for his beliefs, all that shit. We love your wit, the way you bravely add another layer of bumper stickers to the Jetta to show everyone that you’re a free-thinking intellectual who apparently supports every last platform of a major political party. 

But then you had to ruin the illusion of intelligence with your “Impeach Bush” sign.  You see, there’s a hole in your logic large enough to drive a beer truck through.  I’m not sure how much you know about governmental succession, my Jetta-driving friend, but unless you want Tricky Dick Cheney running the show, I’d take the sign down.

It’s a tough world, mi amigo, but sometimes we’ve got to settle for just keeping the shit in the toilet.

Cheers,

Concerned Independent

The next day, the sign was gone.